Dating: It’s Ok to Say No

This isn’t a complaint about BYU-Idaho as an organization. It’s where I earned my degree, and I’m not upset at the university. Instead I’d like to address an issue with the culture so prevalent around campus.

My girlfriend was at church on campus this morning, and during a lesson on dating (yeah, that’s a thing) the women were told that if a man asked them out they should just say yes.

“It’s just one date. If you’re uncomfortable go in a group or in a public setting. But say yes.”


Just no!

Women are not obligated to say yes. You don’t owe us anything just because we asked you out.

I mean, why do you think a woman needs to say yes? Because it was hard for the guy to ask?

Oh right, so if it’s hard for the guy to kiss you…well then just let him kiss you. After all, it’s just one kiss. And if he wants more than that it must have taken guts to ask for it, so just let him do it this once.

*throws chair against the wall*

One of the many reasons it is so damaging to teach a woman she needs to say yes is that it villainizes any woman strong enough to stand up for herself. Any woman who knows what she wants and isn’t willing to settle for less is considered a B*#@$.

The rejected guy is then left saying, “What do you mean, ‘no’? You’re supposed to say yes.”

No, you idiot. She’s not “supposed” to do anything.

If she rejects you it means you’re either a creep or she just isn’t interested in you.

  • If she wasn’t interested, get over it. You wouldn’t have made each other happy so just move on.
  • If you’re a creep, screw you.

And no, I haven’t been perfect at this. I’ve sucked at it.

For a long time I was the rejected guy who couldn’t let it go. I couldn’t understand why the girl didn’t say yes. I had to grow up and learn that it’s completely acceptable for a woman to reject me.

For a while I was the creep. I had to recognize that I was being disrespectful, and then had to learn how to actually respect a woman. It’s embarrassing how recently that understanding finally kicked in, and it hurts to look back at how stupid I was.

But those were my issues!

It’s not the woman’s fault if a man is making her uncomfortable.

It’s not the woman’s fault if she just isn’t interested.

No woman should be told that she owes the man something because it took effort on his part.

So, say no. Break some hearts. Don’t lower your standards to satisfy those who don’t respect what you think and feel. Make us raise our standards to meet your expectations.

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