When You Need a Friendship Instead of a Relationship

When I first started blogging in college a lot of my posts were about dating. It makes sense as most of my friends and I were all very much into the dating scene at the time.

But it’s been almost 3 years since I graduated and most of my friends are now married.

They’re kind of past the point of no return with the whole dating thing, so until recently I hadn’t really felt the need to share much on the subject.

Sometimes, however, I’ll have a conversation about dating that gets me thinking so much I need to start writing. (Ex. Dating: It’s Ok to Say No)

A few weeks ago I had a conversation like this with a friend, and I wanted to see what my thoughts looked like written down. This may not be applicable to you, depending on where you are in your life, but if it is I hope it makes sense.

Disclaimer: I learned most about dating by doing it wrong myself. It would have been less embarrassing if I had known this stuff earlier, but hey…what can you do?

During the conversation I mentioned before, my friend began expressing her desire to be in a relationship. Not in a relationship with me…just in a relationship in general.

She wants to have somebody around her who will listen to what she says, who can have intelligent conversations with her, and who enjoys being around her.

Also, having somebody around who likes to cuddle wouldn’t be too bad either.

After telling me all the things she wanted, she finished up by saying she wasn’t looking for anything serious.

“So…you want a friend?”

When I asked why she was looking for a relationship and not a friendship she said she was embarrassed that she still hadn’t ever had a boyfriend.

And that’s what made me realize I had to start writing.

See, there’s no need to be embarrassed that you’ve reached a certain age and haven’t had a relationship. They aren’t something you collect, and you don’t show them off during show and tell.

If you aren’t looking for anything serious there isn’t really a reason to be in a relationship.

What you need is friendship. You need to surround yourself with men and women who appreciate you.

A friend will listen to you.

A friend will have intelligent conversations with you. (They’ll also have some pretty dumb conversations with you…)

A friend will enjoy being around you.

And hey, some friends are fine with cuddling. Some aren’t, so you should probably address that…but have both in your life. It makes life more fun.

Relationships, on the other hand, are supposed to be serious. That’s kind of the point.

If you aren’t ready for that in your life make some friends. Go on dates. Have a fun time getting to know a lot of different people in a lot of different environments.

Then, when you find one person you want to be serious with, start a relationship with that person. Don’t go all Bachelor/Bachelorette and have a relationship with a billion people at the same time because “it isn’t serious”.

All you’ll get with that is a lot of exes and some pretty bad memories.

So go out there and make some friends. Stop stressing over future relationships, and start enjoying your current friendships.

A relationship will come eventually, and once you’re in it you are in it. So take the time you have now – “pre-relationship” – and make the most of it.

You’ll regret it if you don’t.

 

 

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