I Guess This Is Who I Am Right Now

I’ve had a hard time lately with where I am in my life. This isn’t a repeat of my last post, I promise. It’s just the truth, and it needed to be said again.

And it’s not that everything is going wrong…there are actually a lot of things going right. But often I find myself getting caught up in a sense of “what am I doing?”

A former professor of mine who is retiring soon made a goal to speak with 100 students he has taught over the years. As he meets with them he’ll share on social media some highlights of their time as a student and what they’re up to now.

I think it’s a great project, and it’s probably very rewarding for him to see where his students now are. But it’s been pretty discouraging for me to read about students I went to school with who now have “manager” and “director” in their title.

It isn’t even that I would want to trade places with them. To be honest I probably wouldn’t enjoy the jobs they have.

But hearing about their success and then spending the night in the back of a grocery store deli washing dishes can be a little disheartening.

So, as I mentioned at the beginning of this post, I’ve had a hard time lately and find myself constantly wondering what I’m doing, where I’m going, and when I’ll get there.

*Vain attempt at “when will my life begin” from Tangled*

However, about a week ago I was at work (this time as a cashier at check stand #5) and I had a new thought. It’s not brilliant or anything, but it was something I probably needed to know.

After seeing quite a few elderly people come through my check stand I thought about how my life is going by whether I’m ready or not. Someday, as I look back at my life, I would hate to see that I spent the whole time wondering when things were going to start.

Yet that’s what I find myself doing on a regular basis.

And sure, this is the part of the post where you would expect me to talk about how realizing this has changed the way I live my life, and I wish I could. It would probably make this a more inspiring post.

But this isn’t me trying to show you where I am, where I was, and how to get from point A to point B.

It’s simply me sharing something that I’m trying to work on.

Because wherever I am in my life, this is my life right now. It may suck. It might be confusing. It could seem like nothing is ever going to turn out as good as I think it should.

But whether I like it or not, this is where I am right now…and I might as well try to enjoy it.


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